LOVING YOU

Akki is at that wonderful stage where he sometimes likes to just sit quietly on my lap and ask me a lot of questions.

Occasionally I have answers for him. Why is the sky blue? How do planes stay up in the air? Where does cheese come from? Does strawberry milk come from pink cows? 

I cherish these moments more than you could ever imagine.

But occasionally I don't have answers for him. Or maybe I just don't provide the kinds of answers that a 4-year-old boy can comprehend. 

Mama, what do you love to do the most?

I don't know, sweetie. I love to write, I say. I love losing myself for hours in a good book. I love introspectively contemplating the path my life has taken and exploring the journey within. I love hearing a great song over and over again until I'm completely immersed in it. I love lying in bed on a cool summer night and listening to Jazz. I love lying on the grass and staring up into the stars. I love the beauty of small things. I love embracing everything great this world has to offer and appreciating the very brief time that I'm on it. 

But most of all, sweetie. I love watching you grow up. 

Whenever I say things like that to him, he looks at me with a furrowed little brow. These answers are insufficient and they only serve to confuse him. 

But I don't understand, Mama. What do you love more than anything else in the whole world? Chocolate chip cookies? Sand castles? Balloons? Fireworks? Kites? What do you love the most?

Those are the times that I take him into my arms, stare into his tiny eyes, and hug him with all my strength. 

No kiddo, I say. None of that.

More than anything else in this entire world, I love you. I love being with you. I love talking to you. I love showing you new things. I love seeing the world through your eyes. I love guiding you through the journey of life. But more than anything else, I simply love you.

Do you understand what I'm saying? 

Yes, Mama. I love you too. Can I have a hug? 

Of course you can, sweetie.

Anytime.